Behind The Music
One day as far back as I can remember, my dad (not knowing where he had been for hours) returned home and after hours of not seeing him I asked "Where were you"? He then replied "I was at work, that's where I go to pay the bills". I then asked "so is this what you do until you get old and that's it"? After he told me "yes", I remember thinking to myself, as cheesy and as crazy as it may sound, "I have to figure out what I'm supposed to do with my life".
Growing up in a middle class town that most people have never heard of, Lindenwold Nj, I can't say that I have the typical "Rags to Riches" story, but more so of the "Not Bad To Riches" story except...I'm not rich yet. Throughout my time of being on the mission to find out my purpose, being a young mind on a search for truth, or just on the search for anything that would help me figure out this thing called life, I found myself being more comfortable around those who were twice, and some three times my age. Besides, I'd always think, "How could I get answers from someone my age that are still trying to figure things out themselves?"
Not being a very talkative, or social, I found myself trying to find ways to express my emotions. First, I started to draw, then I tried to paint, and for a hot second I even thought that I wanted to be fashion designer. After dropping those bright ideas I started to get into poetry, but being as reserved as I was and after realizing that I would have to eventually get in front of a crowd I soon after retired from poetry too. Honestly, being in front of crowds in fear of making an embarrassing mistake is why I never did too well on the basketball court either. Needless to say, having an audience of my own, just wasn't my thing.
Eventually, after being all out of bright ideas, I remember riding in the car one day brainstorming on the "next move", when a song my mother was playing, "Brown Skin" by India Aerie came through the speakers and then I thought, "well maybe I could do music". After I sat and thought about it for a second I remembered during my two-day poetry phase that i'd eventually have to get in front of a crowd. Just the idea of being in front of an audience terrified me. Now seeing how I was fresh out of options, I decided to give it try. I then began the journey of "A Rapper", which to be quite honest, has been the most expensive, frustrating, at times lonely, humbling, humiliating, informative and beautiful journey to say the least.
From spending tens of thousands of dollars to date in investing in myself, to choking on stage at my very first performance in front of 20 people in Philadelphia, taking train rides back and forth to NYC with literally 5 dollars left in my account, trusting the wrong people and getting scammed out of money I will never see again, to meeting some of my idols most will only see on television or hear on the radio, opening up for some of Hip Hop's most respected lyricists (Jay Electronica, Styles P, The GZA), doing major radio from SiriusXM to DashRadio, and headlining sold out events across the states and Canada, I cant say that it has been all that bad.
I remember at the time, telling my dad (which is where I get my taste in rap music from) that I even started rapping was the most embarrassing feeling ever. Now my proud moments are just being able to reflect back at the things I've done over the years, and thinking about how much all that seemed to be impossible, that I've actually accomplished. Gratitude is a virtue and I'm very grateful for the experiences I've had thus far and the things that have yet to come.
My goals, and overall mission when it comes to my dream has nothing to do with money, or being famous. It has more to do with changing the lives around me in this lifetime, and affecting the future generation that I wont even be here to physically see. My goal is to allow my 5x great grand children to benefit from my sacrifice of today to break that never ending "work until you get old and retire" cycle a lot of us still go through. My thing is always this, when its all said and done, there will come a time as to where our names will be lost in time forever. The only way you live forever is through your memory that's left behind through the hearts and minds of those you have came in contact with. Whether directly or indirectly, only then will the footprint of your good doings be left in the sands of time! Work hard, and don't make excuses, and keep going! If at times you get depressed and question whether or not what your chasing it worth it, refer back to my bio, stop bitching, and move forward!
-Dre Lloyd